They ought to be ashamed of themselves

Walmart worker killed
I have no words...

Vending machine? Not so much...

Last week we were on our way to Gillette to drop Whit off so he could go hunting with his brother. Abby, ever reluctant to drive anywhere for no fun reason, naturally did not want to go... So I naturally did the one thing every parent swears they won't do to their kids, but every parent eventually does - I bribed her.
Yep, 2 quarters was her price to (quickly) get her coat, socks, shoes on so we could go. We put the 2 quarters in the 'secret pocket' of her coat, to keep them safe. She of course drops one within 5 minutes of getting on the highway. Maybe a secret pocket with a lock would be better.
Around 20 minutes later we suddenly hear this awful retching. Whit says 'oh crap she just threw up' I look back and there is nothing, but she starts... yelping. It isn't a scream, not a yell, just, yelping. And crying so hard she can't explain what the problem is. And then... it occurs to me... the other quarter.
Yep she swallowed it. Ouch. All I could think was that it must hurt really bad, but all I could do was laugh and laugh. Poor thing. She was in pain and crying and her mommy, the one person who is supposed to be a source of comfort is laughing.
Anyway, she was fine and could breathe and all, so I told her to keep drinking her lemonade so it would help it go down (maybe not the best advice, what are you supposed to do when your kid swallows a quarter?) and gave her the obligatory lecture 'this is why I tell you not to put money in your mouth yada yada.' All of the sudden she just... blew. Throwing up, hard. But, always a brave little girl, she reached her hand out and caught it-- all of it, and there in all the disgusting vomit is her quarter. Yes, she saved it. She felt fine after that, but she smelled awful. I asked her if she was ever going to put money in her mouth again and I got a small, watery 'no' from her.
She should be thankful for one thing though... That quarter that wasn't any fun going in really wouldn't have been any fun coming out later.

I’m such a girl sometimes it makes me sick

I feel all weepy and over dramatic and wishy washy and sentimental and depressed and .... smushy. Can I invent a new word? Come on ladies, you (at least most of you) know how it feels. The only cure is to do one of the following: Watch stupid movies that make you cry happy and sad tears at the same time. Listen to stupid music that does the same thing. Fantasize about past relationships and imagine how things could be different (note- I am totally happily married and this in no way is an undermining of that, it is just fun sometimes to think about). Get out a journal and hash out everything you feel and think. I'm sure others have different methods.
Why oh why am I feeling this way? I blame this blog. It fully immersed me back into the feelings from way way way past relationships and the beginnings of my relationship with Whit and how addicting all those feelings are. The heartache and confusion and hope that make up new love.
How lame am I? Very pathetic, right? .........I hate being a girl sometimes.

Having a lazy day

.... and loving it! There is something so peaceful about having the whole family here, not doing anything but spending time together. I don't know if it counts really, because Whit is sleeping on the couch lol, but it is still nice.
Whit called in sick today, he has self diagnosed work-itis, and I'm afraid it is terminal. We're dealing with it day by day and hoping for a miracle cure.
Funny that he needed a 'real' reason to call in today, which was ostensibly going to Gillette today and grocery shopping. Do I think it will happen today? Eh. Probably not. I don't care though. I missed him so I will take being with him while he sleeps. He was gone all weekend hunting with a couple of friends. He had a great time and I'm so happy! He has needed some kind of male influence for quite some time. He works with women and idiots (the idiots are male) all day long and comes home to a houseful of girls. Pretty frustrating. I had to make sure he enjoyed coming home however, so (TMI ahead) our homecoming night was pretty spectacular
I'm just having a nice happy moment until the day disintegrates into the whiny, crying, messy, tired, and cranky "normal" that I'm used to.

I can’t think of a title for this one

I don't know where to start this. I have many many many irritations floating around in my head right now.
I am, by the world's standards, sort of 'crunchy.' I use cloth diapers, I (gasp) had a home birth (and no, I didn't have an epidural- I get asked that all the time), I delay and selectively vaccinate, I wear my baby, and I make my own baby food (oh and I breastfeed too). Honestly, that is not really much crunchiness. In Wyoming however, I seem to be seen as some kind of alien. Which is fine, I don't really care what people think of me. But everyone seems to think that because I do all these things that I automatically look down on anyone else that doesn't. Like if you don't have a home birth I think you're stupid or something. IT DRIVES ME CRAZY! I don't think I'm better than you. You do not have to make excuses to me about why you aren't choosing the things I am. I will not judge you for making a different choice than me just as long as you make your OWN CHOICES. The only thing I would judge you for is making a choice based on what someone else knows instead of finding out yourself -- but even then, I know what it is like to be young and impressionable so while I might feel sorry for you for not knowing better I probably won't say a word if you don't ask me!
Hmmmm. I haven't been as eloquent as I'd like, and I'm not sure I got my point across very well but I feel better. Sorry to anyone I've offended. Although there is probably only a couple people that read my blathering anyhow and I know they agree with me (thank you btw).

Get my happy back... a morose posting.

Depression is like a dark swirling whirlpool that would love nothing more than to drag me down to the very bottom and drown me. So why is it that sometimes when I stand on the brink looking in, it is so tempting to stick a foot in and let it pull on me? Is it possible that I enjoy being miserable? That really doesn't make any sense at all. I feel crazy sometimes. Maybe it is too hard to try, easier to not care. Today I feel like I am sitting by the edge soaking my feet in the whirlpool. It doesn't really feel good, but it is so hard to pull them out and dry them off.
I am grateful my feet are all that is soaking right now. I have been very close to the bottom before. It is a scary, uncontrollable feeling to be drowning. I don't ever want to be down there again but I can't help it when I dip my feet in or stumble and fall in completely. I want to put up barriers, a pool fence if you will, to keep me safe. I haven't found a material sturdy enough for my fence yet.
I want my happy back. I don't like the dark feelings that course through my brain sometimes. I want to be as carefree as I imagine other people are (I realize that is just an illusion, everyone has issues). Could I just have a day to be happy? I would take ignorant bliss even.
Who stole my happy? I should offer a reward. Call the police and tell them I need help (getting a little giggle imagining that phone call). Maybe I didn't lose it after all, it is just hiding from me. Maybe if I looked closer at my life and the many MANY blessings that are mine I could find it. Would I get it back? Or would I feel like I was looking at it through a thick pane of glass? No touching, no feeling, like in a museum? How many other people have lost their happy only to find it behind that impenetrable glass? At the happy museum how many displays would there be? Is your happy there too? Consorting with the other happys?
Tomorrow I hope I can stay drier. And someday I'd like to find that missing happy and break that damn glass.

They’re coming out all fluffy...

They’re coming out all fluffy...

"... it seems they're attracted to the dryer sheets. They're going in fine but they're coming out all fluffy."

Doubtful that anyone that reads this will know where that quote is from (give it a guess and entertain me, will ya?) But the reason for my thinking of it: I was going to wash diapers and was about to dump them in the washer when I just glimpsed something in there. I thought (as anyone would) that it was just something left in from last time I washed clothes, a sock maybe. So I stick my head in there and go to grab it, but I realize... it is a mouse! In my washer! I don't know what he was looking for but I reckon he got more than he bargained for. LOL. Can you picture how much worse it would have been if I discovered him after the wash cycle... or after the drying cycle?!?
On another note, this little critter was an ever-elusive pest we have been trying to catch for a couple weeks now. He thought it was fun to chew on things in our bedroom to serenade us while we tried to fall asleep. We had laid out some traps a few days ago but obviously he couldn't get to them. In the end it was not the highly evolved intelligent humans that finally caught him. It was our washing machine. Awesome. He wasn't in too good of shape when I caught him. Probably dehydrated and starving. Poor thing right? Yeah well he's in worse shape now. But my cat is happy.

Why am I up still?

I have no idea what the heck I'm doing up. In fact I should have gone to bed 2 hours ago but instead I washed the dishes and swept and mopped the floor, scrubbed the kitchen chairs and table, cleaned all the counters and the stove, scrubbed the microwave and the sinks. I must be crazy.
On the other hand, it does feel good to have it done. It needed it -- bad. It was probably the only time I would ever get it done. So why am I still up even though I am finished? Who knows.... maybe to wind down. Which is what you fine people are assisting me in doing by reading what I've written (you enablers you). So now you've wasted precious minutes of your life reading my inane babble when you could have been playing, working, spending time with your family, scuba diving, mountain climbing, writing a novel, inventing the next biggest thing since sliced bread, or saving the world from evil man-eating sheep who are striving to destroy us all one by one... you get the idea. Get back to work people.
I am going to bed. Goodnight.

p.s. The sheep thing is actually a real, produced and everything, cheesy horror flick. Don't waste any of your minutes on that either... I beg of you.

For anyone who has ever had a baby...

Check this out The Birth Survey

Sleep, Sweet sleep. How fleeting thou art.

Yeah, so I have an almost 6 month old who does not sleep through the night.... Okay, mothers of the world: all together now, *collective sigh* I don't know what the heck to do. She will sleep pretty good a couple nights and then it all goes to hell for a week or more. I've tried a schedule, I've tried no schedule. I nurse her whenever she wants (probably more often than she wants, lets be honest she isn't exactly petite) during the day. I know babies this age can be distracted and not eat enough in the daytime so I've tried feeding her in a nice quiet dark room. I've tried cosleeping. IT DOESN"T WORK!
She is just a super high needs kid I guess. Next time you see me I may be bald from pulling my hair out. Please try not to laugh at me, it'll just make my self esteem worse.
Abby was easy. She slept through from 6 weeks. I don't get it.
What was it like to sleep more than 3 hours at a time? I can't remember. What was it like to get up in the middle of the night just because I'm thirsty, and not to have something sucking on my nipples all night long? It's sad- that would have been considered sexy and kinky 4 years ago.... NOT ANYMORE.
To anyone who has suffered through this or is currently, you have my sympathy. Any tips? I'm willing to try anything at this point.

Just a freaking vent (warning: adult language used, don’t read if this offends you)

I hate (a certain bank I won't name). I need to vent before I call them again or I'm gonna fcuking blow up.... How hard is it to let me know, before you transfer me to the 12th person I've talked to today, that to make the stupid payment I'm gonna need that routing number I don't have, and give it to me. So I don't have to feel like an ass, and call you back AGAIN crying this time out of frustration to get the stupid number, only to have to call another freaking number and talk to another person because the automated system doesn't recognize my fcuking account number. And seeing all the trouble this has caused me... wouldn't have just been easier to send me my PIN like you were supposed to (over a month ago). Or the first time I called to let you know I hadn't received it yet, instead of telling me to wait a few more days (it had already been 2 weeks) just fix it the way the lady I spoke to today fixed it. Yeah thanks for wasting an hour of my life. Now I understand why, when I worked at a call center, the customers were so pissed when they finally got to a person.
The only reason I started the damn account in the first place was to make our car payment. Now they have 180 of our dollars held hostage. I'm wondering if it isn't some ploy to make more interest off our money. "Yeah, we're sending your PIN right out (not) and don't worry if it doesn't come real fast, it's separate from your cards (hahaha), and no problem if it doesn't show up, just go into a branch." (I'll give them this one, how are they supposed to know we live 45 miles from the nearest one?) Assholes. I'll be closing my account.
Those of you that know me, will be able to tell how pissed I am. I don't EVER talk like that. I've haven't said that many cuss words since I was a stupid teenager.
I feel much better now. On to the phone call!

Holy Crap

Why the heck do I think I need to get back in shape? What purpose does the torture and agony of making myself run serve, really? What the heck was I thinking? My aching muscles are protesting today... I wish I had never stopped being in shape in the first place. Oh, to run without huffing and having black spots in my eyes, those were the days, I tell ya.
On a more positive note, the more I do it the easier it is getting. I actually made it all the way down my road and partway down the next last night before I had to walk. Impressive, in a small, my-own-little-world kinda way. I knew the first couple weeks would suck, I vividly remember the first week of cross country practice in high school, having to climb up the stupid stairs to class. Maybe if I focus on remembering what this beginning part is like I won't ever get out of shape again. Ugh. More positive stuff, I have lost almost 5 lbs from about a week ago. Encouraging. Plus once I lose 10 lbs I get my incentive "reward" of buying some awesome sexy new work out clothes WOOO HOO :) This may seem like a stupid thing to get excited about, but not for me. I'm pretty stoked about it actually.
Yeah, keep thinking positive I tell myself.... Now if my screaming muscles would shut up long enough for me to hear myself thinking this, I'll be set.

Yes this is, in fact, a blog about...

Well.... Nothing, really. :D I'm so funny, I know. On a side note, (and that would be on the side of all the 'nothingness') I am having a good day. Or should I say I had a good day since it is now after 8 pm. My recollection of today could, perhaps, be slightly colored by the fact that both kids are now in bed (thank goodness it was easy tonight). Kadence was in a pretty good mood all day despite her (my) lack of sleep last night. And the night before. And the one before that. The night before that one she slept 8 hours straight, around 5 of which I got to sleep straight (amazing btw). So, yeah. I don't get it. Obviously she has proved she can sleep that long. Is it some clever ruse to make mommy think she is in control and then BAM! "Hahahaha, I don't think so mom! Now for the every 2.5 hours game, woooohoooo!"? So sly.
To add to the randomness... my arm hurts. I spent a portion of the day playing with my birthday present. No, that's incorrect. I was preparing to be able to play with it. You see, Whit got me a new bow (and that is of the bow-and-arrow type, not the put-in-your-hair or overdress-your-Christmas-present types), it came yesterday. Unfortunately I can't draw it back yet, therefore I am working up to it using my old bow, which is really a bummer. Having something new and shiny and all I can do is look and stroke it (yeah yeah I know what you're thinking, perverts).
And my last random thought for the day:


Lemonade flavored Koolaid is yummy.

Adventures in FLYing

Today I became a FLYbaby. Through the big cloth diaper hunt at diaperdecisions.com I found out about flylady.net, which is a site designed to help those of us that are too perfectionist to clean our houses. We have an all or nothing approach, meaning if we can't do it all right now, exactly how it is supposed to be done, then we don't do it. I am very guilty of being this way. It is so easy to be overwhelmed thinking I need to clean the whole house and have it perfect RIGHT NOW! She breaks things down and will help me to get into good habits. Day 1 baby step is to shine my sink(!) So I have. Here's a picture
Yay for a clean sink!
So I am on my way. I hope it helps, my house is generally a wreck. I don't know how I managed to never learn from mom. She is good at keeping her house clean. Not perfect like a museum, which isn't what I want, but nice and clean and a nice place to spend time. I want a house that makes you feel good to be in, and so when I wake up in the morning I'm not already discouraged because the house is a mess, and so when Whit gets home he feels good being here and can relax with me and the girls. And not having to clean the whole kitchen before I have enough dishes to make dinner would be great.

Getting back to normal

Kadence will be 6 weeks old tomorrow, and finally I am starting to feel closer to normal. I even vacuumed today. I am amazed at how patient and understanding Whit has been regarding my cleaning abilities lately. I feel bad for making him live like a slob while I adjusted to having a newborn again and TWO children. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.
The sleep deprivation has been catching up to me lately though, Kady is hitting her 6 week growth spurt and nursing pretty much around the clock. I can't wait 'til it is over and we can get back to the 5 hour (and once even 6 hours!) stretches she was giving me before.
Abby has adjusted really well considering that she has a little invader now, and I have been so grouchy with her. I don't mean to be, just exhaustion shortening the space between my brain and my mouth. I am sure it will pass, and I have been trying to give her lots of extra love and attention lately to make up for it a little. She is so awesome and so smart, I can't wait to see her grow up but I am almost wishing it would slow down at the same time. She is almost four!!! I can't believe it has gone so fast.
I grudgingly admit that exercise is a big part of 'getting back to normal' and I am less than thrilled. Although I would LOVE to be back in shape, and truly enjoy exercise and running, I know how hard it is to get into that routine and know I am in for a rough couple weeks once I get started. THANK GOODNESS I have a head start. I lost every single pound I gained while I was pregnant within a week, and currently am about 5 lbs under my pre-pregnancy weight. YAY! I have to be careful though because nursing = bigger appetite, and I am starting to gain some of it back. Oops. At least nursing in itself burns quite a few calories by itself.
Now, for a cute picture of my new little bundle of joy! I can't resist ha ha.

She isn't so little tiny anymore, she has really been getting chubby, it is so cute.

A tentative beginning

Having never blogged before in my life, I'm not sure where to start, except to say that I am starting this mainly with my family in mind, more specifically my mom. She lives far enough away that we don't see much of each other, and I would like to keep her involved in my life. So mom, and everyone else that happens to stop by, this is for you ha ha...